The Pre-Baby Questions You and Your Partner Probably Aren’t Asking Each Other (But Should Be)
By Allie Loeb, LCSW
As a perinatal mental health therapist, relationship dynamics come up a lot, whether in session, online, or at mom-support groups. Many moms describe feeling like their relationship changed so much after getting pregnant or having a baby, and the changes have led to more conflict, resentment, sadness, or disconnection. While it’s simply impossible to discuss every possible outcome or consideration ahead of trying to conceive and start a family, it can be tremendously helpful in navigating the transition and remaining connected to your partner to have discussed long term family considerations. Not sure what to discuss? Below are a list of questions for you and your partner to dive into:
Values
What are the values we want to instill in our children? How do we plan to do that?
What does success look like for our family when our kids are 5 years old? 10 years old? 20 years old? Adults?
How will we continue to prioritize our individual and relationship well-being after a child or children? What are we willing to sacrifice?
Careers
What happens with each of our careers?
If our child is sick, has a field trip, or requires someone to be home, who will that fall to? How will we navigate those decisions in real-time?
Support Systems & Family Dynamics
When we get busy or need extra support, who is in that support system? Realistically, what kind of supports can they offer us?
What do we do if we disagree on what support looks like from our friends and family?
What did our parents do that we liked? What about things they did that we didn’t like?
As we have a child or children, the dynamics with our extended family will change. How do we want to navigate those shifts?
Child Development & Care
Who is responsible for learning about child development and making choices as our kids grow? If we’re deciding together, what will that look like?
What are our beliefs on consequences and discipline?
How much experience do we each have with babies, toddlers, and kids? How do we prevent resentment if one of us knows significantly more than the other?
Looking for mental health care? First Light Therapy would love to support you! We specialize in pregnancy, postpartum, and early childhood mental health care. We’re located in Hoboken, NJ for in person therapy services, as well as for telehealth sessions throughout New Jersey and New York.
The information and content on this post is for informational purposes and should not be considered medical advice. If you have questions about your mental health, please reach out to your doctor.