Emotions of Becoming Pregnant
By Allie Loeb, LCSW
The moment of a positive test can be so exciting, especially when you’ve been thinking about having a baby for a long time. BUT, pregnancy can also come with a lot of other emotions that people don’t always talk about, making you doubt if you’re really ready for motherhood. Let’s break down all that’s happening and strategies to navigate this confusing time.
“I’m pregnant but I’m not sharing the news with friends and family yet. Getting through these next few months feels so hard!”
The first trimester can be so difficult when you’re not yet ready or comfortable sharing the news with those around you. Many people choose to wait until the end of their first trimester to announce the news (around 13 weeks) as the rate of miscarriage significantly drops, but that means keeping this information private for 12 to 14 weeks!
Some people find that this length of time feels too long, especially while trying to continue living life “as normal” or if struggling with uncomfortable first trimester symptoms, and decide to share the news with close friends and family. Others decide to keep to the second trimester to share the news. No matter when you decide to announce your pregnancy, there is no “right” or “wrong” time to do it! To help get through whatever timeframe you’ve set for yourself, some strategies that can help include:
Tracking and documenting the weekly changes, emotions, and memories, whether that’s in a journal, the notes app of your phone, or with photos or videos.
Keep yourself as scheduled as you can physically tolerate. Knowing you have plans on the horizon can keep the days and weeks feel like they’re moving.
Utilize the people who do know to share in your thoughts and feelings, whether that's your partner, doctor, or therapist.
“This was what I wanted. Why am I freaking out?”
This is more normal than people realize and yet it’s not commonly discussed. Many individuals come to therapy at the start of their pregnancies for this very reason and report this confusion for themselves, wondering if it means they shouldn’t have gotten pregnant, doubting their readiness, or assuming that because of their doubts that they’re going to be bad moms. Some emotions that often come up with individuals who are struggling with this include anxiety, doubt, embarrassment, shame, and sadness. If you are freaking out and suddenly less certain than ever about if this is the plan you want, know that you are not alone! Your brain is trying its best to anticipate and prepare for a massive life change, and in doing so is creating a “before baby” and “after baby” comparison. A normal part of becoming a mom involves grieving the life you once lived. Some things that can help:
Therapy! Working with a mental health therapist who specializes in pregnancy and postpartum mental health can be extremely beneficial here, as you can work with them to effectively process this change and support your confidence.
Learning about matrescence, which is the process of becoming a mother. Having a word to describe the change can normalize the experience and help reduce some of the overwhelm and confusion.
“I am SO SCARED of everything!!!”
Anxiety can show up at any point throughout pregnancy and postpartum, and we can look to evolution to thank for that. At one point in history it was necessary for humans to stay alert to any and all potential dangers in order to keep themselves and their children safe. Now? We don’t need to be worried about getting chased by wolves, but our nervous systems don’t always realize that. In an effort to help keep your pregnancy safe, you might find that you’re increasingly scared or anxious about what you can (and can’t) do. While some caution and education is appropriate, there is a balance that should be found that still allows you to live your life. In addition to working with a mental health therapist, you can try:
Limiting your access to social media and internet searching, and instead relying on just one or two trusted sources for information.
Reminding yourself that even while keeping your pregnancy safe, you’re allowed to enjoy your life!
Using mantras to stay present, focused, and confident, such as “One moment at a time”, “This is my body’s job, not my mind’s job”, and “I will make the most of today”
Pregnancy for most people is a mix of emotions, not just constant joy and excitement. That said, if you find yourself struggling, wondering what’s “normal”, or finding that your days are filled with more dread, anxiety, and angst than excitement and curiosity, you might benefit from mental health support.
Looking for mental health care? First Light Therapy would love to support you!
The information and content on this post is for informational purposes and should not be considered medical advice. If you have questions about your mental health, please reach out to your doctor.